I touched on a bit yesterday about my focus word of 2015: Embrace. I conveniently came across this beautiful quote the other day on Pinterest, and knew it was exactly what I should be focusing on for the first month of the new year!
In a month of refocusing and change, what a better start than sharing my personal story. I blog here every month, but in a world of pretty paper, how deeply do we truly share; and how better to move forward, than by owning our past.
Those that follow me know my general story. Girl meets boy in High School, Boy joins the military, Girl follows boy, Boy and Girl bring along a beautiful blessing, and than another, and the next; all while moving all around this beautiful country. This is my fairytale story, but what I have yet to share are the pieces in between, the pieces that make every bit of who I am today; the good, and sadly also the bad. What I wish to share today, is not meant for anything less than to share that we are not alone. We all have our stories, but maybe, just maybe, we share more pieces alike than we know!
I was always a happy child, always singing and dancing around. I had many friends ( most of them boys; just sort of happened that way!), found love in singing ( my mother was a singer in a state known country band), but there was always a piece of me lost.
I am daughter to my amazing mother, my best friend, but I am also a child of abandonment. I have never known my biological father. I wish I could say that this didn't make me the person I am today, but at such a young age, feeling unwanted can take a big toll on your emotional building. It caused a wall that I built up, afraid to trust easily, but God knew what I needed most by bringing me my now husband early in life.
My mother remarried when I was young, but I would be lying if I said that my step father and I aren't as close as I would wish to be. Dealing with my sadness at a young age, I turned to food ( far too early in life). Here is where my story is hardest to share; I started to do things, a bit odd for young children. Up until a few years ago, it was a joke that my mom would share, that she would find packets of crackers in my underwear drawer. I felt the need to horde food for reasons unknown, and sadly this began a life long cycle of a bad "habit." I had rhyme and reason to my madness at the time, but as the years carried on, my reasoning turned to habit, and soon became a monster all of it's own.
Moving is quite a stressful event for anyone, but add a move as a military family to a women with eating issues, and you have another addition to unhealthy cycles. A typical move for the military family goes quite like so. Active duty member finds he has orders to move; A few months to even a few short weeks before actual move, you find out "where" you are going. Military spouse still has to work, so that leaves you to the packing. Now in all fairness, they do have movers come and pack you up, but if your husband is anything like mine, ( *cough-stubborn-cough*) he will refuse the movers due to bad past experiences. So you pack up (everything), Clean house to white glove standards, get everything set to move only to find complications( one move we couldn't check out for 22 days after they had come and taken all our belongings to our new home, and this past move we couldn't fit all our belongings, being forced to just give stuff away to neighbors). Than the move occurs, driving for days with family and pets, only to unpack everything while hubby goes straight to work. Can we say , STRESSFUL! I am stressed, so I eat to relax. I have no friends yet, and nowhere to go and get bored and lonely, so I eat. I eat like the Hungry Caterpillar.
On one particular move, it got unmanageable, so I did something I never saw myself do, seeked out a therapist. After a few weeks of meeting, we came to the acknowledgement that I have an eating disorder called compulsive overeating disorder. If you have never heard of this, picture, best you could, an addict. If I think about a food, the craving never goes away. It could be 5 days later and I still NEED that food. It has been a battle, but knowing how to research it has been great help.
Now all food talk aside, lets focus on purpose.
I was a fresh out of High School , ready to take on the world, girl. I "KNEW" I was going to be a cosmetologist. I graduated 6 months early and started hair school. I liked it well enough, but than, life happened. Now hubby and I were going through a rough time with the distance, so I quickly became a....bum,bum,bum....."beauty school dropout!!" I told myself, I can pick that up anywhere, so I stopped school, and followed now hubby to Florida. And of course, what better way to celebrate than by eloping to the courthouse( yep, that's how our beautiful story began!)
We were 20 years young, married, when the news that baby girl #1 would be on her way. Were we younger than planned, of course, but you know what, 10 years , 3 kids, 2 dogs, 6 straight months apart with multiple 2 week long business trips, and 6 moves later, I wouldn't trade it for the world. In fact I would trade NONE of this for the world.
Does it still hit me hard some days ( like a few weeks ago, happening across my biological father on Facebook), of course, I am a soft hearted human. Do I still struggle with my eating disorder?(everyday, I gained more this move than I wish,and have a lot of work ahead to get healthy from that again); but you know what, it all made me the woman I am today, a woman that I am happy with, a role model to my children that I am proud to be, and the best part is, I am still growing every day!
So this is my story in a nutshell. I would be lying if I didn't tell you how reluctant I was to hit that "publish" button up there in the corner of this page, and I know that many of you do not wish to be this open on your page, I myself have been walking the thin line telling myself a crafting blog is not the place for deep truths, but than I decided, WHY, why is it not. This is my story to tell, and if I can reach someone, that would be the greatest of all. I would LOVE to see you share your story, to embrace what makes us unique as storytelling crafters, mothers, wives, and women. If you feel inclined to, I would LOVE for you to share a link to your story; and I hope reading this you feel greatness in knowing that you are not alone, and your story is beautiful, no matter what it reveals!
Brianna
